[fbshare]Mix a bit of Iran with America, stir in Ghana, and sprinkle Sweden and France on top and what do you get? You get an 
incredible family that came to be through marriage and international adoption. Lisa Finnegan is a writer, journalist, and a blogger that I have previously written about in S-O-S is Helping Parents Abroad! and Blogging Gives Me the Opportunity to Meet Wonderful People! What About You?. In honor of Adoption Awareness Month, Lisa was generous enough to give me her time and answer some questions regarding her adoption experience.
Regarding the formation of Lisa’s family, she described it as follows:
I have a very international family. I am American (and very much a New Yorker), my husband was born in Iran and has Swedish citizenship, my 5-year-old daughter was born in Ghana and we currently live in France. It is always amusing to see people’s expressions when they learn about our backgrounds – including the French justices when we finalized our daughter’s adoption. But the fact that we fit so well together is a testament that people are people regardless of color, ethnicity or nationality. My husband and I couldn’t have had more different childhoods in countries that are more different, but we are so similar in our beliefs you would think that we grew up across the street from each other. And our daughter is an amazing little girl with such a great sense of humor that we couldn’t imagine our life without her.“
Lisa’s adoption journey was not an easy one. She shared the following:
Our adoption experience was the most frustrating thing I have encountered in my life. If I wasn’t so stubborn I would have given up long before our daughter came home. My husband and I were in Ireland when we decided to start the adoption process. Ireland is a very, very difficult country when it comes to adoption because it is not encouraged and the process is long, complicated and sort of humiliating. We were told that we should try to conceive on our own, that adoption was a poor option and that we had to wait a year before they would even consider doing a home study because they wanted to make sure we really wanted to adopt. During that time they urged us to get pregnant and said if we did, we couldn’t adopt.
We felt we had no choice but to go through their system so we sent our application and waited a year. By the time the year was up, we had moved to another part of Ireland and we were told we had to begin the process again and wait another year. We decided to move to another country instead. Unfortunately, we moved to France and I couldn’t speak a word of French. It took me quite a while to figure out what to do, but eventually we received approval to adopt from France’s children and family services.
My daughter was 3.5 when she came to our home in France almost two years ago. It took us that long to get her adoption finalized here (we went to court in October), mostly because of our complicated family situation.“
When adopting internationally, selecting a country is a very personal choice. Lisa explained that she and her 
husband decided on Ghana for the following reason:
My husband felt very strongly that we should adopt from a country in Africa. He had done humanitarian work for a variety of countries on the continent and felt drawn to it. Everything just fell into place with Ghana and once we settled on an orphanage things went relatively smoothly.“
Every country has their own set of adoption laws and regulations. Sometimes these rules differ depending upon where you are in a particular country. I asked Lisa how long she was in Ghana during her adoption and she stated:
My husband was in Ghana for 2 weeks and I was there alone with my daughter for 6 weeks. It was an extraordinarily difficult time for a variety of reasons, but it was also a very beautiful experience. My daughter and I bonded and she learned that I am fair, I do what I say I am going to do and that no matter what she does, I am not going anywhere without her. I had been very nervous about the long plane flight back to France but by the time we left Ghana she completely trusted me and knew she would be safe. The only time she complained on the flight was when she had trouble sleeping and decided the bed at the guest house was more comfortable and we should go back there so we could get some sleep.“
Bringing a child home after adoption is not always a smooth process. The transition varies from child to child and family to family. Lisa explained how the experience was for her daughter:
Like all internationally adopted children, my daughter was shell-shocked and frightened when she arrived. What so many adoptive parents forget is that their child has lost everything – her country, friends, caretakers – and is grieving. I would guess that if you look at pictures of your children now and compare them to pictures of when they first came home you would see a big difference in their eyes.
One of the advantages of living abroad is that we had the luxury of allowing our daughter to adjust to us and our home without having to meet our extended family members immediately. Our daughter really needed the time to settle in to her surroundings and to learn how to be a part of a family. She was quite content staying inside turning on lights and opening and closing cabinet doors for the first week. When we did go outside, she was cautious and clingy although she became more adventurous as she felt more comfortable. We cocooned her for quite a while, venturing out slowly and allowing her to set the pace.
I think all adoptive parents can expect tantrums, sleep issues, possibly food issues and a very difficult six months as their child adjusts to his new home. The key is to try to remain calm and not panic, and to be consistent and patient and kind. We need to be a little flexible with our children as they settle in because we just don’t know what is going on in their minds or what might be triggering a reaction. I am happy to say my daughter is doing beautifully now. She is happy and social and doing very well in school. She is very fluent in English and doing well with French.“
It is not uncommon for many children adopted internationally to experience some form of special needs. I asked Lisa if she was concerned about any special needs and she shared:
I think most adoptive parents keep a keen eye out for special needs issues. Thankfully, my daughter does not appear to have any special needs. She is on track developmentally and does well in school. However, she will begin first grade next year and will learn how to read and write. If there are any learning issues that have not surfaced, we will likely find out about them then.
One disadvantage that my daughter has is she is currently in a French public school and her parents are not native French speakers and so while her English is excellent, her French is not as good. I have taken the precautionary measure of taking her to a speech therapist to improve her French pronunciation and to help her to improve her vocabulary. I also work closely with her teacher to help her work on the areas she’s having difficulty with. But this is simply me being pro-active about preparing her for the next school year and making sure that I know about any issues as soon as they occur.“
In addition to being a wife and mother, Lisa is kept busy with a number of projects. She described her current projects:
I am extremely fortunate to be a writer and a journalist because it enables me to live and work anywhere in the world. It also gives me the flexibility to be there when my daughter needs me, and I am so grateful for that.
My complicated adoption journey and experiences living outside the US led me to start WhileAbroad.com. I have two sites up now, Adopting While Abroad and Parenting While Abroad. The goal is to provide a place where expats (people who live outside their country of origin) can go for information about adopting and parenting. I hope to continue expanding WhileAbroad.com as topics emerge. The next site will be dedicated to helping people with disabilities navigate — in every sense of the word — life as an expat and travel abroad.
Additionally, I write non-fiction articles and books on topics that interest me. My first book is called
No Questions Asked: News Coverage since 9/11 (Democracy and the News), which looks at how events and issues were covered by journalists within the US and outside of it. I wrote it because I believe it is important to understand history so we can prevent mistakes made from happening again. It was honored with an award by the National Library Association and can be found on the shelves of many libraries in the US.
I am currently working on a book about how the global population is being manipulated and cheated by politicians and special interest groups. I want people to be able to recognize when they are being dumbed down or manipulated so they can take steps to prevent it and reverse the pattern. It is so important to understand what is happening and why so we can make informed decisions.“
As Lisa mentioned above, she maintains two blogs. The first blog is called Adoption While Abroad and she provided these details:
Adoption is never easy. Adopting as an expat is extraordinarily difficult. In many countries it is almost impossible to find information about the adoption procedure and the steps you have to take. I started the site so expats who want to adopt have a place to go where they can learn what options are available to them. Sometimes taking that first step is the most difficult but once you take it you are propelled forward. I provide very specific information about how to go about the adoption process if you live in say Spain or France or the UK. And because adoption is a topic close to my heart and I am always learning, I also interview experts and write articles about things like creating a lifebook and race and identity.“
The second blog is called Parenting While Abroad and the following experiences led to its creation:
I have lived outside the US for almost 10 years but it wasn’t until I had a child that I experienced culture shock. It was the most overwhelming feeling imaginable. I felt an enormous responsibility to make sure my child fit in, but I realized that I didn’t understand the school culture or the educational system or how children in France socialize and play. I was equally baffled by the small talk French women make while waiting outside the school and how to set up play dates with other kids. I was often completely confounded and I panicked because I just thought if I didn’t know these things then how on earth could I guide my child who was counting on me? My experience was certainly exacerbated by the fact that I was a new mother to a walking, talking, strong-willed 3.5 year old. But I am sure that most expat mothers experience similar emotions and panic.
There are very special issues that come up when you live outside your country of origin – from raising bilingual children, to choosing an appropriate school — and I deal with those on Parenting While Abroad. My goal is to provide a site where parents can go for information that will help them make informed choices and feel more confident in their parenting skills even if they live abroad and have a limited network of friends.“
As if this all were not enough, Lisa revealed a very special project she is currently helping:
At the moment I am most excited about helping an organization in the US called Orphans’ Heroes to build a school in a village in Ghana. Orphans’ Heroes is a small organization that has done a tremendous job helping orphans in Africa and it is a privilege to be able to work with them on this and other projects. There are 216 children in the village, with another 230 in neighboring villages and there is no school in the area. Very few of the children are currently receiving an education, most are working and some, unfortunately, are being sold into slavery to support their families. Orphans’ Heroes has already provided the two primary villages with water pumps so they have clean water, has secured national health care cards for 450 children and has saved one boy from slavery. The school will ensure that the children will have a better future. We are currently raising funds and hope to have the school finished by the end of the 2011.“
Finally, I asked Lisa for any advice she could provide to other parents living abroad who are interested in adoption. She outlined the following:
The first step is to determine what rules you’ve got to follow. Are you a permanent resident of your country? Are you considered a resident of the US or your home country even though you don’t live in it? Do you have to get permission from your country of residence as well as your passport country? I provide a lot of information on Adopting While Abroad, including interviews with social workers who do home studies for expats, so it is a good first stop.
I would say that the process is going to be complicated and long, but that it if you follow the rules, provide all the necessary documentation and you meet the requirements of all the countries you are working with, then you will ultimately accomplish your goal. You just have to be patient and persistent.“
I want to thank Lisa for providing us with an insight into her family and international adoption. She has a unique perspective and a lot of knowledge to share with those living abroad. Please make use of her blogs and all the information she provides. You can also follow Lisa on Facebook and Twitter.
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