When parenting your first child it’s natural to cautiously approach each new experience. There are so many decisions to make with regards to media and as a parent you are tested.
What TV shows are permissible? What music will you allow? How much time on the computer is OK? Can your child have a Facebook account? The list goes on and on.
When child number two comes along, things seem a bit easier. You have already been there, done that. You made decisions and you learned from them. Now that you are wiser, the second time around is a piece of cake.
But wait! What if the child has special needs? I was fortunate to have gone through the first round of media experiences with my socially astute son. Sure I made mistakes. I wouldn’t be a true parent if I didn’t. But no decision created an outcome that I couldn’t talk through with my son. He and I learned together and as he is quickly approaching the age of 16, he doesn’t look like he has been scarred too badly!
It was so much more difficult to keep certain TV shows from my daughter. Whereas my son watched the kiddie shows for much longer, my daughter was exposed to the preteen shows much earlier. This was a function of her having a brother who is two years older than she.
Initially, I didn’t think these preteen shows were that bad. She didn’t really understand most of what was going on and she didn’t appear to be that interested either. Later, she definitely proved to be interested, but she confirmed my belief that she did not understand a lot of what was going on.
The time is 4th grade and my daughter had just turned 10. She was in a special class of about 10 children with mild to moderate learning differences, possibly ADHD and other developmental disorders. In a class like this, deficits in social skills is a given.
The first thing my daughter learned from TV was how to pretend to have a seizure. Let me explain. I was helping in her classroom and thankfully things were pretty busy. I say thankfully, because my daughter’s behavior was not really noticed. I observed her stretched out across the floor, flopping around. I had no idea what she was doing, but I quickly made my way to her and got her refocused.
When I discussed this behavior with her later, she tried to explain that she thought it was funny. She wanted to make her classmates laugh.
On a second occasion, I received a call from the school. The teacher had placed a girl who was new to the school next to my daughter, thinking they might become friends. My daughter proceeded to make a note that read “Kick Me” and taped it to her new classmate’s back.
Again, when I asked my daughter what she was thinking, she said she thought it would be funny. She wanted everyone to laugh. I then revisited the “seizure” episode, trying to make some sense of these actions.
This time though, I was fortunate. As I was talking with my daughter, my son was sitting nearby. He immediately made the connection and told me these were both scenes out of a show that they had watched. Ahaaaa!
I could now discuss this with my daughter with a whole new vantage point. I learned that she thought that if you made others laugh, they would like you. She was just copying the scenes she had watched on TV.
All of this was such an eye-opener for me. I have always kept on top of what my daughter watched and have tried to debrief her on things that may need an explanation. I explained what could be dangerous and I explained what was pretend. I never thought to explain what was exaggerated comedy!
Most kids with special needs will also be developmentally delayed. This includes their social skills. They will want to do what their typically aged peers are doing, but are probably not at the same emotional stage. Try to make your TV viewing decisions based on their developmental age and not their chronological age. Try to watch the show with your child and discuss what is taking place. And don’t forget, make sure your child understands that the show is for entertainment and should not be copied!
About Danette Schott, M.A.
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