Have You Ever Heard of “Realistic Thinking”?

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Anxiety (also called angst or worry) is a psychological and physiological state characterized by somatic, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral components. The root meaning of the word anxiety is ‘to vex or trouble‘; in either presence or absence of psychological stress, anxiety can create feelings of fear, worry, uneasiness, and dread. Anxiety is considered to be a normal reaction to a stressor. It may help someone to deal with a difficult situation by prompting them to cope with it. When anxiety becomes excessive, it may fall under the classification of an anxiety disorder. ^{Taken from Wikipedia}

Over the last few years there has been a multitude of tools and suggestions made to us to aid in tempering these anxious thoughts and feelings. Remember that each day, each hour, the same strategy will not always work. The distraction strategy that got you and your child out the door yesterday might not be the appropriate one for today. As long as you equip yourself with options you will always be one step ahead of the anxiety.

Take a look at the strategies below. Have you used any of these?

1. Toolboxes – written down on a little notepad with drawings and words that encapsulate a coping strategy. Examples: Count to 10 slowly, Sing a song, Breathe
2. Meditation CD – a CD used specifically at night in order to calm down and soothe the anxious mind. Example: Lori Lite of Stress Free Kids has a host of wonderful CD’s to help with anxiety and stress for children, teens and adults.
3. Guided Imagery CD – again another form of meditation but it is a guided journey so you have a soothing voice to take your mind where it needs to go. Example: Bellruth Naparstek of Healing Journeys has a fantastic assortment of guided imagery tools.
   
4. Workbooks – with the help of a teacher, educational assistant, or parent the child works through a workbook filled with exercises to help gain understanding of where the anxiety comes from and how to talk back to his worries. Example: What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids) by Dawn Huebner
5. Creating a Stepladder Plan – you make a step by step plan for each one of your worries or fears. Each plan has a goal and each time you reach a step you are rewarded.  Worry ratings start at 2 or 3 and go all the way up to 10. In between there are lots of great steps that help your child reach their  final goal. Example: Cool Kids Program
6. Feelings charts – creating a chart for the day of your child’s feelings so that at the end of the day he can look back and chart his progress. Example: I felt sad and panicky in the morning but by the afternoon I felt fine. Today I feel sad and panicky but if it is like yesterday I will feel fine. For this concept it was very helpful to have a visual reminder that one can make it through the day despite the worry or anxiety. Find a great site at Feeling Charts.
7. Affirmations – Positive statements that enhance the child’s self-esteem and self confidence. We use them daily and they are short and simple and to the point. Example: For our evening affirmation some of the suggestions we’ve chosen are: I am strong. I am loved. I can do whatever I set my mind on. I am thankful for everything I have done today. I do everything to the best of my ability.

While all of these techniques have a place in our home there is one that stands out more than any other.

Realistic thinking  – The definition according to Anxiety BC is:

“Realistic thinking means looking at all aspects of a situation (the positive, the negative, and the neutral) before making conclusions. In other words, realistic thinking means looking at yourself, others, and the world in a balanced and fair way.”

Realistic thinking has helped all of us in the family who suffer from anxiety. From the moment that feeling of fight-or-flight begins until the moment that you know the panic has passed, it is a very versatile and simple way to cut through the clutter and negative chatter in your mind to put things back into perspective. It is a benefit because unlike some of the other techniques listed above you need nothing other than the awareness of the moment. The here and now is what will carry the moment from panic to calm.

Awareness of all that surrounds you is how I like to practice this thinking. If one of us is in the midst of that deluge of shaky, queasy, dizzy, rapid breathing and everything is moving too fast moment, we literally stop where we are and take a breath. For the kids I encourage the realistic thinking by asking questions such as:

• Where are you right now?
• Is there anything here that you should be worried about?
• Is there anything here that is making you feel unsafe?
• What is making you feel worried or nervous right now?
• Have you ever felt this way before?
• Are people really looking at you?

All of these questions prompt the true answer rather than that which our thoughts have determined.  This kind of thinking brings attention to what is really surrounding you. If there is a threat then we deal with it. If there is no threat then we proceed.

Realistic thinking also challenges those negative thoughts by asking question such as:

• What’s the worst that can happen?
• What would I say to someone else if they told me their thoughts and feelings?
• Has it ever happened before?
• Have I worked through this feeling before?

Once the calm body, mind, and spirit prevail, I always take the realistic thinking one step further to include a quick encapsulation of the world around my kids. So I will ask them:

• What do you see around you?
• What colour is the sky?
• What colour is the paint on the walls?

I ask them to describe the world around them as specifically as they can. This allows an even more centered and harmonious moment. It allows their breathing to slow thus allowing the thinking process to slow down. Clarity remains–no longer fear and worry, but calm.

This practice is one that everyone can do and not just if you have anxious or worried thoughts. We all could do some realistic thinking each and every day, but if you are dealing with severe anxiety or panic attacks this is one technique that I could not do without.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Quote by Buddha