S-O-S Best of the Best, Edition 4: Family Life

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[fbshare]Welcome to S-O-S Best of the Best (BoB), Edition 4. The topic is family life as it relates to invisible special needs. A total of 34 bloggers submitted posts this month and 13 are official Best of the Best Bloggers. These bloggers are displaying the BoB button on their blogs. If you have not received your BoB button, just send me an email requesting it and you will also be included on the list of the Best of the Best Bloggers.

Bloggers have shared many different experiences and viewpoints on family life with a child with special needs. More than one blogger wrote on their child’s future, marriage, outings parenting, siblings, and vacations. There are an additional ten topics that bloggers have addressed; certainly there is something here for everyone. This edition we also have the pleasure of hearing from our youngest blogger, Jamie, Chynna Laird’s eight-year old daughter.

Child’s Future

• Floortime Lite Mama presents There are other choices posted at Floortime Lite Mama. Floortime Lite Mama remembers when at one time she believed there were only two roads possible in her life: to have her son recover from autism or to have her son not recover from autism. After facing the fact that her son will never recover, she has since discovered that “there are many other choices in life after Autism.“
• Kim Wombles presents Leaps, Bounds, Hurdles, and Stumbles posted at Countering….Kim’s son has autism and is now a 21-year old adult. She reminisces when a psychiatrist gave her a shocking prognosis for him when he was only in kindergarten. She explains “It was like a shock of ice cold water being splashed in our faces.” Years later, she reports that her son continues to progress and is a productive member of the family.

Marriage

• Adrienne Bashista presents Keeping the love alive…when you are REALLY STRESSED OUT because of your challenging child posted at Easy to Love But Hard to Raise. Adrienne presents some “cold hard facts” about raising a child with special needs. She summarizes that “Parenting a child with serious behavior problems changes the partnership to be more about preservation, less about passion and romance or even companionship.” Keep reading though because you will learn what Adrienne has done to keep her marriage strong.
• Hartley Steiner presents Marriage Advice Moms Don’t Want to Hear posted at Hartley’s Life with 3 Boys. Hartley discusses how raising a child with special needs puts additional stress and pressure on a family. She explains how most moms go into a frenzied search for information, “But the trick is making it to the end and still being married.” Hartley provides some inspiring ways to keep the marriage going strong.
• Joy Smith presents A Happy Marriage and Autism posted at Joy’s Autism Blog. Talking about her marriage, Joy writes “When Adrian was diagnosed with autism we grew up even more in a huge hurry.” She reveals the many special things she and her husband have shared through raising their son with autism and some of the most romantic things her husband can do.

Outings

• Kay Marner presents Your Cure for Overdue Books, Library Late Fees, and ADHD (OK, 2 Out of 3) posted at ADDitude. Kay starts her post off with a joke about ADHD and the library. With tongue-in-cheek, she expresses her desire to “Keep your ADD/ADHD child from being the butt of this ADD/ADHD joke...” Using her years of experience working at the local public library, Kay presents a useful list of six tips for library behavior.
• Tammy Murphy presents Family Outings: Are We Having Fun Yet? at Tammy Time. Tammy explains her family’s tradition of Friday Family Fun Night and as her kids have aged, how this tradition started to break down. Changes had to occur and Tammy reveals “Let’s just say I ultimately took control of my own fate and refused to leave the cocoon of my own space on a Friday night.” Read more about family outings and get each member’s perspective.

Parenting

• Alysia Butler presents Take it Easy posted at Try Defying Gravity. In response to a Parenthood episode, Alysia writes about her feelings when a character, a father to a son with Asperger’s, states, “I just wanted to forget about it all for one damn day.” She honestly reveals how she would like to have just one day where adherence to her son’s routines could be ignored and she wouldn’t have to “…feel like the only times when things do go smoothly is when I’ve completely hyper-managed the situation.”
• Beth Rubin-Gabor presents Pass NO Judgement posted at A Little Bloomer. Beth reveals what it feels like when others pass judgement on her parenting skills when observing her daughter with Aspgerger’s  have a tantrum or outburst. “I felt guilty, judged and truly just alone.” She reveals a couple of her calming techniques and concludes with a bit of hope.
• Jean Myles presents You Choose: A Brat or a Kid with a Behavior Disorder? posted at Mommy to Two Boys.  Jean has a son with autism who during his nonverbal stage had some fairly severe tantrums. She is now experiencing the terrible-twos with another son. Jean asks “Which is worse? A kid with Autism, SPD, and ODD? Or a bratty two year old?” Find out where Jean stands on this!
• Lori Lite presents Media and Our Children “Do You Know What Your Children are Watching?” posted at Stress Free Kids. With her own teenage daughter, Lori recently watched an episode of Glee glamorizing underage drinking. Lori provides concrete parenting tips for television or internet viewing. Parental control is extremely important in an age where “Bombarding our youth with confusing messages on how to behave and what the social norm is causes stress and anxiety.“
• Martianne Stanger presents Embracing Sensory Processing Disorder posted at Training Happy Hearts. Martianne explains that in response to living with Sensory Processing Disorder, she and her husband have decided to embrace it, “the good, the bad, the ugly and the immeasurably indispensable.” She tells us how they have done this and says that we  “still feel exasperated at times, but we also enjoy a new found sense of anticipation and appreciation. ” The post concludes with a poem written by Martianne.
• Michele Borba presents Little Black Swan meets Tiger Mom: Why a toxic combo for girls’ mental health posted at Reality Check. Michele states that “Statistics show that far too many of today’s girls are overwhelmed, stressed to the max, and not faring well in mental health.” She discusses the Tiger Mom’s parenting philosophy and stresses that it is time to  “help our girls become confident, caring and mentally healthy“.
• Trish Doerrler presents Figuring Out What *I* Need posted at Another Piece of the Puzzle. Trish talks about the importance of parents identifying “what you need to relax or recharge.” She reveals what she needs and concludes that it is imperative that we then  “accept it without feeling guilty.“

Siblings

• Amanda Lebron presents Bipolar for Brothers posted at Rage Against the {washing} Machine. Amanda reveals her painful experience with having to tell her son that his sister has been hospitalized (due to her bipolar). As she explains, “It’s so hard to keep a straight face and I hope he doesn’t notice that my voice is thick with unshed tears.“
• Caroline McGraw presents ‘with no warning/the window’ (loving my brother, part 2) posted at A wish come clear. Caroline provides not only a unique perspective as a sister to a brother with autism, but also a unique voice with her writing style. She wants to find “‘a window into [my brother’s] mind and heart.‘” It is a beautiful post worth reading, as it concludes with “Maybe, just maybe, I can only see in part because to see fully would be too much beauty to bear.“
• D.S. Walker presents A Sibling is a Gift posted at dswalkerauthor. D.S. states that “People may think being the younger sibling of someone on the autism spectrum is hard.” But she reveals many wonderful things about having a sibling and then also discusses the most difficult…bullying. Although bullying can be difficult to handle, it has also proven to be a learning experience.
• Penny Williams presents Another Diagnosis posted at a mom’s view of ADHD. Penny discusses how having a sibling with ADHD has affected her daughter who recently received a diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder. But Penny has turned this into a positive experience by deciding to have her daughter blog about being a sister to a brother with ADHD. As Penny explains, “I actually think this is a great idea and it will really open our eyes to how siblings of special needs children are feeling.“
• Tiffani Lawton presents Growing up with autism: Brothers and sisters of children with autism learn early to cope with differences posted at OUR Journey THRU Autism. Tiffani initially discusses the possible effects of having a sibling with special needs and states “Siblings of children with autism can face difficulties forming healthy sibling bonds…” My Brother is Different by Barbara J. Morvay, is a book about a sibling of a child who has autism and it is described.

Vacations

• Autimomkate presents Vacationing with autism posted at The Denver Autism Wheel. Autimomkate writes about her families trip to Denmark in 2009. She acknowledges that some people may question her sanity for traveling this far with her son who has high-functioning autism. But she explains, “Human beings, typical and autistic, love those old routines, the habits and patterns of day-to-day life. The unpredictable can be intimidating for all of us, but we learn to adapt.”
• Danette Schott presents Vacation Time: Taking Time Off from Special Needs posted at Help! S-O-S for Parents. Danette shares her experience with taking family vacations and how she has accommodated her daughter’s needs. She reveals “Traveling has become quite fun for my family, but I can’t say it was always like this.” Discover a few simple things that may help your vacations go more smoothly.
• Gavin Bollard presents Taking a Vacation with Special Needs Children posted at Life with Aspergers. Gavin asks, “Is there such a thing as ‘taking a vacation’ when special needs children are involved?” He writes about the difficulty of vacationing with special needs kids and looks at the pros and cons of four types of vacations.
• Lorna d’Entremont presents Vacations Close to Home ~ Easy for Parents and Pocketbook! posted at Kid Companions. Lorna shares how her family vacationed to accommodate the needs of everyone when her children were growing up. She advises, “Forget the long drives, the extended family visits, the too long restaurant meals and the rigidity of museums and spend your vacations close to home.“
• Yuji Fukunaga presents Our First Family Vacation posted at Hanabi Boy. Although Yuji has the same desire like any other family to take vacations, he is well aware that “going on vacation with a child with autism can be even more stressful.” Not only does Yuji describe his first vacation to Disneyland with his son, but he provides well thought-out tips to help make a trip with a child with special needs a success.

Other Family Topics

• Anger.Dr. Robert Naseef presents Dealing with Anger and the System posted at Tiffani Lawton‘s OUR Journey THRU Autism. Robert discusses  the anger parents feel when they have to fight the system to get their child his needed services. As he explains, “Services for children with disabilities while federally mandated have never been fully funded.” Robert concludes with providing information on how to let go of the anger and be an assertive parent instead.
• Divorce. Pamela Hutchins (from Road to Joy) presents  ADHD in a Divorce Family: The Clark Chronicles posted at Penny William‘s a mom’s view of ADHD. For six years following her divorce, Pamela and her ex-husband split the parenting time of their children equally. This arrangement was very difficult for their son with ADHD. Find out what prompted Pamela to say “HE DID IT IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF HIS CHILD” with regards to her ex.
• Fatherhood. Mike Stanger presents Mike Speaks: Daddy’s Perspective on Luke posted at Wonder and Will. Read this honest and emotional insight from a father forging a unique connection with the son he loves. Mike reflects on his close relationship with his father and then examines the difficulty he is experiencing connecting with his own son. As he discovers his son has SPD, Mike states “Before his diagnosis, I wasn’t sure why it was so difficult; afterward, I wondered if it were even possible.“
• Having a 2nd Child. Tim Tucker presents Two Be or Not Two Be posted at Both Hands and a Flashlight. Tim revisits a post from April 2009, where he and his wife had worked out their decision to add a second child to their family, already having one son with autism. Tim then brings us up-to-date on where their life currently stands. He states, “Great challenges often produce even greater joys” and writes about how other families need to make a decision that is best for them.
• Household Space. Ellie (from Tasting the Colors) presents So Much Stuff! posted at Hartley Steiner‘s SPD Blogger Network. Ellie talks about how pre-kids she loved having a tidy home and everything had a place. Once children entered the picture this all changed, to the point that she is considering putting in a sensory swing in place of some furniture. But as parents, “We put aside our own needs to meet the “special” needs of our children.“
• Loneliness. Laura Schumaker presents Autism and parenting: 5 ways to combat loneliness posted at SFGate.com City Brights Blog. In one simple sentence, Laura summarizes what can happen to parents of children with special needs: “When our children aren’t connecting, we aren’t either.” To combat loneliness, she outlines five things you can do. Having been in Laura’s shoes, I would recommend other mothers take care of themselves and check out this post.
• Meal Time. Karla Fitch (from Hello. World.) presents Sensational Solutions: Dinner with a Fidgety, Fussy Eater posted at Hartley Steiner‘s SPD Blogger Network. Karla talks about how difficult meal time was for her daughter, Kaia, who disliked anything in her mouth or around her face. By pure chance at one dinnertime, Karla discovered that her daughter would eat while a story was being read. “And so, the ‘dinner box’ was born.“
• Skills to Teach at Home. Barbara Boucher presents Cut to the Chase posted at TherExtras. Barbara asks, “Could using scissors be one of those skills you teach your child at home – instead of having it on his IEP? ” As a professional providing physical and occupational therapy, Barbara references a few links to help parents teach this fine motor skill to their children.
• Support. Patty presents A Little Help Here? posted at Pancakes Gone Awry. Patty reveals that she has come to realize “...that there is just not enough support out there for families with autism, at least in most communities.” She encourages parents to “push for services and organize parental groups” and talks about her goal to reach out more to parents in need.
• Visitors. Jamie, Chynna Laird‘s daughter, presents The ‘Sensational’ World According to Jamie: Getting Ready for Visitors posted at The Gift. Jamie reveals that when she was younger,  “I used to run and hide when people came over…” Now that she is older, she doesn’t do that anymore. She and her mom developed some coping strategies and Jaimie thoughtfully lists them out.

To all readers, as you visit a blog to read a complete post, please take the time to leave a comment and let the blogger know your thoughts. They have all worked hard to bring a broad range of  information to you.

To all bloggers, thank you for your submissions, hard work, and continued support! Everyone, please tweet this post, reference it on Facebook, and mention it on your blog.

The next BoB will include book reviews and giveaways. Submissions are due no later than the 13th of next month (but can be submitted anytime between now until the 13th), for a publication date here on the 15th. All bloggers are welcome and we love to add to our existing community! Submissions can be sent to dmschott at pacbell dot net.

Previous BoB Posts

Autism and Treatment Options

School Issues

Social and Play Skills

Disclaimer: Please note, the opinions expressed in each referenced post in S-O-S Best of the Best are entirely that of its author and the inclusion of these posts does not constitute an endorsement by me, Danette Schott.