The Power of Maybe: Tips for Dealing with Randomness

maybe-randomnessFor the past 20 years I have been surrounded by young children.  I have seen them in therapy as a speech-language pathologist and I have raised three of my own.   I LOVE kids!  But what I do not love is one phase that so many of them go through; that which I like to call the “sore loser” phase.

Winning and losing games for the 4-7 year old set can be a bit of a minefield.  At any given moment, the individual who is winning might pick up that dreaded card that sends them flying backwards and it is as though the world is coming to an end.  It is heart-breaking (for them and for me).  And yet, I am convinced that the very reason most of the games for kids this age include this random potential for going from winner to loser in the blink of an eye (or pick of a card) is that this is something that kids really need to work on.

The Concept of “Gray”
Kids at this age are beginning to grapple with the concept of “gray”.  This is when they begin to find out that “not everything is black or white”, “things change”, “life isn’t always fair”, “randomness happens”.  These are upsetting concepts, particularly for kids who are sensitive, competitive or inflexible.

For many of these kids, we adults have worked hard to help them prepare for change.  We have consistently used the “5-minute warning” approach.  We have used social stories.  We have provided them with visual schedules.  But we can’t use these strategies to prepare kids for unexpected changes.

So how do we do this?  Well, I am a firm believer in not addressing these emotionally laden topics in the moment.  Trying to reason with a kiddo who has just landed on a “chute” and is plunging back to the beginning of the game is not the right time.  But there are lots of ways that we can lay the groundwork when emotions aren’t running so high.  And this is where that wonderful word, “maybe” comes in.

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Karen S. Head, MS, CCC-SLP About Karen S. Head, MS, CCC-SLP

Karen blogs over at all4mychild.com. She is a licensed and certified speech-language pathologist who has been co-leading social cognition groups at Children's Therapy Associates in Natick, MA for over 15 years. She is also co-developer of a series of apps designed to support children with social learning challenges.