When my children with autism were younger, there was a time when I would realize pivotal needs. At one point, it became obvious that my second son’s ABA school was not teaching skills in a developmental sequence. I could see how this was affecting his ability to progress. This spurred me into action. I fired the school and joined a new one which was excited to work with me. I pored through lists of the latest autism curricula as well as normal childhood developmental charts to help us choose goals in an appropriate sequence. Together with my son’s therapists and new school, we cobbled together a version of an educational program that worked for us as teachers, and also worked for my sons. It was a watershed moment. I decided to take an active rather than passive role in my sons’ progress. With that role came a sense of order, inevitability and eventually success.
Years passed, my sons were mainstreamed into public schools and everything worked well for a time. Then almost as a drum beat begins slowly, then adds voices and crescendos, things began to accelerate toward another watershed. Middle School Happened. (It deserves its own bumper sticker). We began to have increased tantrums over electronic game equipment. We began to go from no incidents of school misbehaviors to nine calls within three weeks. The support and good nature of the teachers toward my second son shifted and changed into bitterness and contempt. The tolerance of his peers toward his idiosyncrasies turned into impatience. Kids complained to parents. Parents called the school. About my son.
Understand that I am not naive. Nor do I make excuses for his behavior. Some of his behavior was frustrating, some was scary, and some was downright funny if you looked at it with a kindly eye. The turning point for me was when the calls from school were no longer reflecting benevolent tolerance. The kindly eye had become jaundiced.
You know, we can’t all have perfect children. I had to accept that a decade ago. But there comes a time when you have to evaluate your child’s environment and determine if it is healthy. Do they acknowledge that many problem behaviors occur when children are confronted with things they don’t understand? Does the school offer remediation or do they just throw your child in detention? After several years of resting on our laurels, it became time for a new action plan. So here’s what I did:
- Sold all electronic gaming equipment: Bye, Bye, Nintendo DS. Immediate result–less tension, better behavior.
- Realized that when a school writes off your child, it is time to write off the school. Bye, Bye, Middle School. Hello, Homeschool!
I thought I would have something clever and witty to write, but not this time. This post is about POWER and taking it back when you need to. Eight years ago I fired a school and it was one of the best things I ever did. Eight days ago, I did the same thing. Sometimes you have to recognize the watershed moment and seize what you know is best for your child.
What have been YOUR watershed moments?
About Juliet Burk
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